This Trump ghoul is shocked to learn taxpayers turned her jet into a love nest

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi “KKKristi” Noem is so bad at her job that congressional Republicans this week joined Democrats in demanding her resignation, under threat of impeachment, during fiery hearings in which Noem perjured herself multiple times. And not for the first time, for those of you at home, trying to keep score.

The former South Dakota Governor and Worst Pet Parent Ever could only glare back at her questioners, while trying to justify the murders of Alex Pretti and Renee Good at the hands of ICE agents on the streets of Minneapolis.

As a woman, writing about Republican women, I do what I can to sidestep the low-hanging fruit. I make it a policy to never body shame or comment on their appearances … unless they do something so glaringly egregious that it would be irresponsible to not call attention to it. We don’t have the space here to get into why women have been socialized to please the male gaze, nor enough bandwidth to get into why so many women have fully altered themselves on the Trump Plastic Surgery Plan. Once you decide to commit treason for Epstein’s Wingman, I guess you’re contractually required to get a Mar-a-Lago Makeover.

Whatever happens to Noem now, she will be stuck with Alina Habba’s Ivanka Face forever.

I mean, come on.

I also don’t know why any men would prefer a fully fake face to a real one, but also I do, because I’m a woman in the modern age. Again, we don’t have the time to get into this now, but we do have time to wonder about KKKristi and her close “advisor,” former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski.

Full disclosure: Corey blocked me on Twitter all the way back in 2016, because I kept doing this annoying thing called “telling the truth about Trump” and he didn’t like it, just like Trump didn’t. Such snowflakes, I swear. I’m my own MAGA-valanche of Twitter blocks, open to suggestions on how to better monetize this power I have over the worst people this country has ever produced.

Anyway, Kristi and Corey’s alleged affair is said to have begun all the way back in 2019 and is probably the worst-kept secret in Washington besides the Epstein Files and their contents.

The widely reported relationship was a big topic of discussion during Kristi’s Senate Judiciary hearing. She stuck to “We’re just good friends” … while being shown photos of a luxury bedroom on one of her government jets. You might have missed it, but our tax dollars were spent to turn a multimillion-dollar private plane (one of two) into a private getaway up in the sky.

Here’s Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) asking a basic question, with a visual aid. Noem seems incapable of understanding that other people know about her not-at-all-secret relationship.

That woman blankly stared at her own sky bedroom and pretended she didn’t know what it was. But we know she knows. There was a recent story about her leaving her woobie behind during a flight change, and Corey firing a Coast Guard pilot instead of telling Kristi she’s an alleged adult and doesn’t need a special blanket.

Yes, I call him that. I’ve been calling him that since the rumors about him and Kristi began. I’ve posted it so many times that whenever I start a word with “won-”, my predictive text does the rest.

In the same hearing, Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC) fully unloaded on Kristi during questioning, which also touched on the famous puppy killing incident.

While it’s great to see this from a Republican, keep in mind that Tillis is retiring at the end of the year and so has nothing to lose. I’m going to play amateur psychiatrist for a moment and say there’s some misdirected anger here. Tillis rightfully dragged Noem to filth, but I’m guessing a lot of that was for Trump and the embarrassment he’s caused the party and our country on the global stage.

Noem was being grilled by the House Judiciary Committee while I was writing this. She perjured herself multiple times again. It was also fun watching Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD) do what he was born to do, which is own Republicans.

However, Noem had much more support from the House GOP than from their Senate counterparts, many tossing obtuse softball questions about Democrats refusing to fund DHS while Coast Guard ships are being targeted overseas.

Of course, everyone in both hearings knew the truth, which is that Noem is spectacularly underqualified for her job, like everyone else in the Trump regime. And that’s part of their plan to destroy our democracy.

When you have the worst person possible sitting behind the Resolute Desk, and he surrounds himself with unqualified yes men and women as close as possible to being as bad as he is, there’s clearly an intention to implode all political norms.

From the destruction of the East Wing (Did anyone preserve any of our historical artifacts? Has anyone ever even thought to ask besides me? It’s fine, I don’t know all that much about politics) to the bombing of Iran because Trump’s name is all over the Epstein Files, to the deliberate ignorance of the Constitution, no one connected to Trump has even once put America first.

• Tara Dublin is a political writer/commentator based in Portland, OR, who has been blocked by Donald Trump on Twitter since August 2015 and can occasionally be heard as a fill-in host on SiriusXM Progress. She is also the author of The Sound of Settling, a rock ‘n’ roll love story available at taradublinrocks.com