England’s Cricket Team Is In The Ashes Bunker

Test cricket has entered its official silly season, where Test matches are played like rain-shortened ODIs. In the victory at Kolkata, South Africa bowled India out in 35 overs. A week later, England’s cricketers were dismissed twice in under 35 overs twice during an eight-wicket defeat by Australia at Perth in the first Ashes Test.

The Indian Express called Eden Gardens a “horror track” that “stripped the game of its soul”. England’s batting at the Optus Stadium had no such excuse, as the top order self-sabotaged the best chance of a victory in Australia for 15 years.

England’s Batting Only Has A Fifth Gear

England has been bowled out in 40 overs or under in its last five international innings. Spectators looking for a full day’s entertainment in any format should unfollow Brendon McCullum’s side. The charge of the light brigade has cost Cricket Australia an estimated $3 million in ticket revenues.

England’s white-ball tour of New Zealand last month already triggered some concerns. There was an end-of-term feeling to the shot-making in the 3-0 ODI loss, as if it was one last chance to throw the bat around without culpability before facing the barbs of Australian ‘hospitality.’

Coach McCullum is an advocate for a good time. Nothing like enjoying the mother country. Results certainly didn’t matter last month. Bonhomie was the way forward. The head and deputy-head style management of Andy Flower and Andrew Strauss is not for this group. Suffering before the Ashes was micromanagement from hell for some. It worked once, but not twice, back when the regime was a more corporate rules-based beast.

Perth Test Collapse Showed That Bazball Hits The Wall In Top Gear

McCullum insists that the team’s best opportunities arise from putting the opposition under pressure. There are safer options that do not involve throwing the bat at wide balls on a pitch where cover drives on the up are a death wish. Ollie Pope, Harry Brook and Joe Root were mesmerized in the sixth stump zone to surrender their wickets. England went from 76 for 2 to 76 for 5. McCullum doubled down on his aggressive mantra. Batter the ball until it is soft. No point waiting. Life comes at you fast.

“There’s no point trying to play for safety per se. We’ve just got to keep backing our approach, be strong and keep believing in what we’re doing,” he said in the aftermath of the Perth pasting.

England Refuse More Batting Practice Ahead of Brisbane

Skipper Ben Stokes was almost dismissive of a question put forward by the BBC’s Jonathan Agnew about the batsmen getting some extra time out in the middle with the pink ball before the Brisbane Test on December 4. That was confirmed on Monday when it was revealed none of the batters would be playing at Canberra in a specially arranged pink-ball game. England is sending its minions, the Lions, to greet the Prime Minister’s XI instead. Australia has won 13 of its 14 pink-ball Tests.

England Attacks The Flag When A Par Score Will Do

Stokes says that England has done all the hard yards. They are not for turning, despite the cacophony of critical noise from outside the camp. It is one thing for Stokes to stick to his guns. It’s another entirely to ramp up the attack dog approach which has bitten off more than it can chew. Attacking wasn’t the issue, Stokes claimed. Travis Head just did it better. There’s no chipping out of the bunker sideways when there’s a hazard ahead. England goes direct at the flag even when a par will do.

McCullum talks of a tight circle within the team, a group that is best served by sticking to the same principle of running towards the danger. There is no hard evidence that things go south with a little introspection. Pope once claimed that England might score 500 or 600 in a day, while Ben Duckett said that Yashasvi Jaiswal’s double century in Rajkot could be linked to England’s aggressive approach to batting. The rush of blood to the head happens off the field as well as on it.

Refined Bazball Approach Didn’t Last Long

Duckett and McCullum have talked about refinement of the Bazball approach, an idea that took root to some extent when the home side came back from two-nil down in the 2023 Ashes. McCullum suggested that deeper thought was necessary after the 2-1 reverse in Pakistan in December. There’s little evidence of it in recent times. When England gets on top, it wants to trampoline over the finish line.

England Throw The Bat And Matches Away

During the drawn summer series with India, England had the checkered flag in sight with Brook and Root in cruise control, and less than 70 needed. Brook wafted one in the air to open the door, and the Indians charged through it. There was no need to give Shubman Gill’s deflated troops any hope. Australia wouldn’t have.

“It is a great advert for Test cricket. To rock up with a crowd like this today when we needed 30-odd runs to win is phenomenal,” was the Yorkshireman’s take. There was nothing about chucking a great opportunity away. England is all about the audience reaction. As long as it’s positive, they lap it up.

England was caught speeding in Perth when the slow lane would have probably won the game with two days to spare. McCullum and Stokes now have a ticket that they don’t want to pay for before Brisbane. It’s a dangerous game. If they lose, the Ashes is out of bounds. Then the golf jokes will be far more caustic.