[Two Pronged] My manager declined a promotion meant for me without consulting me

Rappler runs an advice column by couple Jeremy Baer and clinical psychologist Dr. Margarita Holmes.

Jeremy has a master’s degree in law from Oxford University. A banker of 37 years who worked in three continents, he has been training with Dr. Holmes for the last 10 years as co-lecturer and, occasionally, as co-therapist, especially with clients whose financial concerns intrude into their daily lives.

Together, they have written two books: Love Triangles: Understanding the Macho-Mistress Mentality and Imported Love: Filipino-Foreign Liaisons.

Dear Dr. Holmes and Mr Baer,

I have something to open up about. This is about the work I am currently in.

I was offered another position in the HR department which would be in another area but two grades higher than the position I am already in. It was my manager who first declined the offer, thinking that it didn’t interest me. I didn’t realize this until it was too late.

He told me about it —that the owner herself chose me for the position because I have potential — but before I could answer the owner, he reached out that he already talked to them, saying I am happier where I am because it involves meeting a lot of people so this job they offered doesn’t interest me.

I never had the chance to think it through and I just went with my manager’s decision, thinking also that I am not suitable for the position. I’m also worried about what other people will say kasi po bago pa lang ako (because I just recently started working in this company) and I was already offered a high position in the HR department.

But, Doc, I always think about the job that was offered to me. I told my seniors in our company and they told me I should have accepted the offer.

Please help.
Richard

Dear Richard,

It seems you work for a company with a rather unorthodox HR function.

You received an offer of a promotion (you do not say whether this was in writing, delivered personally, or indirectly, say through your manager) and your company accepted its rejection not from you but via your boss, apparently without checking with you. It appears bizarre that, having identified you as the best person for that position, your employers did not even check with you, their chosen candidate, to verify that you were really spurning a two-grade promotion.

In the final analysis this is however of little consequence since you yourself decided you weren’t suitable for the job and were worried about what others would think about such a rapid career progression. If this is truly how you are thinking, it begs two questions.

First, why are you still full of angst over a job you didn’t feel you were suited to?

Are you now regretting your reaction, angry that your boss preempted your decision or just responding to your seniors’ view that you erred by not taking the opportunity you were offered? This is worth some thought.

Secondly, given how you handled this, do you think you have what it takes to succeed in a corporate environment? After all, you seem very willing to allow the opinions of others to govern your life.

When you found out that your manager had turned down your chance of promotion without consulting you, you appear to have simply accepted that he was right. There is no hint in your account that you made any effort to salvage the situation, no attempt to reverse what had happened; you were seemingly just resigned to your fate.

If after due reflection you still believe that your future lies in the corporate world, you might like to consider just how you are now going to change people’s perception of you.

Having allowed this promotion to be snatched from your grasp, you will need to take significant steps to reestablish your standing in the eyes of management. Only then will they have any reason to think that you deserve advancement and that you might actually embrace it.

All the best,
JAF Baer

Dear Richard,

Thank you very much for your letter.

I have a different take from Mr. Baer’s. Having worked with Lloyds Bank, one of the biggest banks in the UK, Mr. Baer perhaps thought the company where you work was just as big and bureaucratic; such companies would have stricter protocols and expectations where HR was concerned.

However, I feel your company has functioned on a less corporate, more “personal” basis. This does not mean it is any less formidable or not as important. I say this because the owner herself noticed you despite your being new at the job, thus my presuming a more family-type business.

If I am wrong, please let me know because — Ulp! — the rest of my advice will be meaningless. BUT…if I am right, how absolutely wonderful for you!! At least as far as your situation is concerned, since family businesses are known to be more flexible and actually treat their employees as real people rather than mere payroll numbers.

Well..… wonderful in some ways, but not so wonderful in others.

We shall stick to what is wonderful for now: I presume your owner thinks of some of their employees as almost-family members. That is why they nurture those they hope will stay as family for a long time, and thus offer promotions two grades higher than would be expected.

The owner wants to promote you because they see your potential (or actual) qualities that they know will serve their company well.

However, before you become too beholden to the owner and make judgments about your career based on utang na loob (gratitude), please remember that this sort of expected gratitude is one of the ‘cons” of family businesses.

Another “con” of small companies is that they are not necessarily rules-based. Everything depends on the owners’ opinions/whims.

But let us go back to the pros. In companies like these, it is possible — even recommended, sometimes — to go to the owner personally and explain the situation.

You do not bad mouth your manager for butting in (although he definitely should not have done as he did), you just say you are sorry if there was a misunderstanding about your not liking the position offered, because you definitely would have welcomed it.

Even if the exact promotion is not re-offered, at least the owner knows that in future, you are open to anything.

As for the nasty things that might circulate because of your “too fast rise” in the company, well, “haters gonna hate” no matter what you do. Actually, the competition, petty gossip, and snide remarks may even be more vicious in small companies because everything is more personal.

If you can steel yourself against these comments that are, yes, personal yet ironically have nothing to do with you, that would be for the best.

It helps to have even one friend in the company, but if not, your friends outside can buffer you when the onslaughts of inggitan (jealousy) start. It might also help for you to write us again. Believe me, we are here for you.

All the best,
MG Holmes

– Rappler.com